When Others Pressure You to Eat

Don’t feel bad about resisting. All it takes is practice.

“Have some pumpkin pie, dear. I made it just the way you like it.”

Pressures to eat come at us from all directions. But during the holidays, when the source is a well-meaning relative or friend, they can be harder to resist.

One issue is the “ancient tradition of hospitality,” says family medicine physician Will Miller, M.D., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “It’s about being able to offer something of value from the home as a sign of welcome and inclusion. As the guest or recipient, your side of the unspoken hospitality contract is to accept the offering with signs of pleasure.”

If you’re trying to watch your diet, it can be a challenge to balance gratitude, tact and restraint.

Another pitfall to healthy eating is people who try to undermine your commitment to your diet, says support group facilitator Jane Banach of the hospital’s Weight Management Center. “They may secretly feel resentful and angry at themselves because you’re getting a grip on your weight and they aren’t. This may not be happening at a conscious level, but misery does love company.”

If you feel your friends simply don’t understand what you’re trying to accomplish, sit them down and explain matter-of-factly: “These are my goals and why it’s important. Here are some ways you could support me….”

The holiday season provides a great opportunity to learn a new set of social skills, focusing on goal-setting, affirmations and being assertive. If you’re tempted to cave in because it’s easier to eat than speak up, the solution is practice. Before each social event, Banach says, consider the possible scenarios you’ll encounter and practice your responses.

For example:

Host: “I only make baklava once a year… have some just this time?”

You: “I look forward to your baklava all year long. This year, I’ll have to savor my memories of it.”

Host: “We used to have such a good time eating together.”

You: “We can still have a good time together—you were always more important to me than the food.”

Finally, Banach stresses the value of learning to say “No, thanks” firmly, without apologies. If you sound uncertain, your host will be more tempted to push.

Want to Know More about dealing with other kinds of pressures to eat? Click here.

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